So far today I've run with the dogs -- twice -- did 45 minutes of pilates, shredded a two-foot high stack of papers and tossed other junk, organized my collage stuff and other art paper and stuff, read Psychology Today, balanced my checkbook, and fought the day-before-Thanksgiving crowds at Wal-mart for.... a roasting pan, floss, and a tube of toothpaste. Could I be avoiding my semester summary paper?
So, in the spirit of being as self-revealing, I am avoiding this end of semester review for lots of reasons. I don't feel I've logged the paint to surface hours I wish I had (lots of time was spent doing the one step forward, three steps back dance...lots of time agonizing over color theory...lots of time angsting whether I have the personal fortitude and qualities and self-discipline to make this a go...lots of time staring at a blank canvas on a wall...my dogs wish I'd spent lots more time with them running (the poor souls are both Australian Cattledogs)...I actually think my kids are okay since their friends play Hannah Montana much better than I do, and my 6-year-old is completely happy going to galleries with me if I give her a sketchbook (she actually sketches the paintings on the walls, and has me "pose" beside them for added compositional interest). My partner totally wants me to be happy, so grumbles, but gives me the time I need.
Rambling on, I am actually thinking about incorporating "The Artist's Way" 12-week program into my MFA program. So much of this crap is just about throwing off handed- down conceptions of productivity and what it means to work. I'm still working out issues about it being okay to be an artist in the first place. I feel this need to be productive to "society" in some way...some way that makes it easier for me to think about being a UPS driver than a painter (and I love my UPS driver and I mean this as a compliment!).
So, now that I'm done rambling, the last paper will be finished before I head off to sleep tonight.