I went out back before sunrise this morning to find some peace. I'm gripped in a bit of a panic. I know that I will make this work. But this morning I'm overwhelmed with the realities of working a 40 hr/wk office job, an hour drive each way to do school drop off/pick up/get to/from the office, prepping my old house for new tenants -- oh, and the studio. I goofed off Wednesday and came home last night at 8:00 pm thinking I'd have the evening to work: power outage. So, having no light to work by, I joined Dave and a friend of his on the candlelit patio. Nice. The power came on about 10:00 pm. So, here I am at the end of the week a wreck and frustrated about being away from the studio. Since the residency, each weekend (which is my only real time to work) has been sucked away -- 4th of July, maintenance work on the house. This weekend I've been surprised with a "mystery" trip. Then I miss two weekends in the studio while we go to Boston for my brother's wedding. I will bring some reading and painting materials with me. It will actually be great sketch and get ideas for a next series of paintings. Maybe instead of fretting about missing studio time this weekend, I'll see what ideas come up while I'm traveling.
Enough kvetching. Today I make a big bold calendar for me and my family showing when I am available and unavailable. I know I will figure this out. I have no choice. For the moment, it just feels so big and daunting.